IDEAS
Three Criteria to Becoming a Trusted Advisor
Original Publication
February 10, 2025
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“But what do you mean, ‘bring in emotion?’”
I was knee-deep in the planning stages of a video series with a client when she asked me this question.
The topic: artificial intelligence (AI)
The subject: organizational behavior
The take home: now is the time to adopt an AI-first approach
My client, a professor at Harvard Business School, listed all the talking points she wanted to cover in the series. Of course she did. That’s what you do in academia when people ask for your ideas. You present a wall of smarts.
But this series wasn’t for her colleagues; it was for organizational leaders with minimal understanding about AI needing their employees to embrace AI quickly. Our job was to help them wrap their heads around how AI changes how an organization operates.
If we started with an org chart, eyes would glaze over. We couldn’t push the idea at them. We needed to bring them along with us.
I had an idea.
I asked, “What was it like the first time you used AI?”
“It was intimidating, but also incredible,” she replied. “Like suddenly I didn’t have to do the heavy lifting of thinking all by myself.”
“Exactly,” I said. “Tell me facts about AI and fear kicks in because I don’t understand. Tell me what you felt the first time you used AI, and suddenly you’re a human being just like me. I’m hooked because I can relate.”
“I get it,” she said. “What I’m teaching is AI, but first I have to show up as a human and address their fears.”
“Yes,” I smiled. “People who aren’t in your world need to connect with you before you spout everything you know.”
We ended up starting every video with a confessional embodying humility that made her relatable. We leaned into emotion before listing facts and figures. Weeks later I heard the series was met with great applause; my client achieved trusted advisor status.
This is how you disarm fear and build trust. This is how you move beyond your niche into mainstream resonance.
Think connection before content.
If you want to be the definitive, go-to expert in your field, if you want your name to live on the tips of tongues of decision makers, you have to rethink how you communicate.
What got you here - the dissertation, the straight A’s, niche acclaim - won’t get you to mainstream recognition. The rules of the game changed when you switched contexts. Now what’s important isn’t just your idea but who you are and how you connect.
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Think about it this way.
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There's a gap experts and academics often face when they step outside their niche to influence the broader conversation. Show up publicly and you’ll feel it. Try to influence decision makers and you’ll come up against it.
This gap is hidden, but it determines so much of what we want as we publish thoughts as articles and videos, show up on podcasts, and give speeches.
The gap is between being known for your expertise and being the go-to expert in your field.
These are not the same thing.
Being knowledgeable on a topic vs. sought after for guidance are two different things.
We want to be known, yes, but we also want to get picked to speak, called to collaborate, and to have a seat at the table. We want our ideas to shape the public narrative.
So what does that take? What makes someone seek you out for your wisdom? What makes industry leaders not only hear your ideas but use them, again and again?
If we want to close the gap between being known and what we really want – sought after beyond our own echo chamber – then we need three things.
The first thing we need is trust.
That’s the foundation. Without trust nobody listens to the rest. And if you’re known to be untrustworthy, people will actively doubt the rest.
How do you earn trust?
Trust happens through a combination of competency and consistency.
To be competent is to be good and what you do, knowledgeable. You produce high quality work with a high success rate. This includes effective communications. But you’re also repeatedly tuning into social realities. When you speak to someone, you acknowledge who they are as a human being before you transfer knowledge. You understand that underneath your conversation are layers of societal norms that shape who we are and what we think is possible. We don’t think in isolation of our environment. Who we are perceived to be by the world influences our ability to suspend disbelief and imagine a new outcome.
And so you talk less and listen more. You ask questions instead of showing up with answers.
You share a story about when you fell short of your goal. Or when you rocketed past expectations. Or when your thinking completely shifted.
But that’s not all.
Competence is also a balance between strength and humility. Knowledge and vulnerability. You stay in your lane of expertise, confidently commenting on that which you know about first-hand. At the same time, you express a desire to learn more. Your learning, in fact, never stops. Insatiable curiosity.
Meanwhile, consistency is showing up day after day to help, peaking our attention and slowly chipping away at doubt. You follow through on your commitments. You have integrity, practice what you publish, and lead with your values. You are dependable, predictable, and keep us intrigued.
This is how you build trust.
By the way, being credible is a proxy for trust. Saying I’m [insert: fancy title] at [insert: well-known organization], or that I’ve studied this field for 20 years, is a way of saying, ‘I’m credible.’
But trust alone doesn’t set you apart. Plenty of people may claim similar credentials, some of whom we know shouldn’t be trusted.
But the foundation is trust.
The next layer is connection.
Connection is not the same thing as trust. Trust is about you and your credibility. Connection is about them. Your audience and their emotions towards you.
Do they feel an urge to share your ideas unprompted? Would they call upon you to collaborate?
To move beyond ‘known and trusted’ to being the ‘go-to expert,’ you need connection.
If trust is about being competent, credible, and consistent, then connection is about engagement and clarity. How does your audience think and feel about you? How do they apply your ideas to their work? How do they communicate back to you?
And when they communicate, can you tell that they understand your ideas? Do they relate to what you’re saying? Can they build on it and make it their own?
After all, your audience is full of three-dimensional human beings that are messy, constantly changing, and full of contradictions and biases. Humans are quick to judge and slow to trust. We maintain multiple identities. We lead with emotion (ie. feel first, think second). And we don’t like change. Not at all. Which means assume our resistance to what you say will be high. Hence, the need to connect.
People will engage with you when they understand your message and relate to you. You need both.
If I have three people I know who are trustworthy, which one do I call? It’s the one with whom I feel the deepest connection.
But beware not to overload people with information or swing too far into emotion. You need one more thing.
Finally, influence.
At the top of the pyramid is your capacity to have an effect on someone.
Once they trust you and feel connected to you, do they take action because of you? Do they request your time? Refer you to others? Apply your ideas to their world?
Influence means you have changed the way they think to such an extent that they are taking action as a result of you.
And while trust and connection happen inside their minds, influence happens visibly. It’s about your ideas driving change.
Most experts don’t make it this far. Plenty of people can trust and connect with you and you’ll never hear from them. But if you have influence, you hear from them. People seek you out. Your insights are repeated by others. You don’t just provide answers; you shift the way people think.
And this is where we want to be. Once trust and clarity are in place, your ideas can create impact. You become the trusted advisor, the sought-after expert, a voice at the table of decision makers.
When you have all three, you close the gap between being known and being the go-to expert.
To make this more practical, let's think about the role of communications.
After all, to change how people think you have to share your ideas!
Trust is about who you are. Genuine expression. Living your values and practicing what you publish.
Connection is about how you show up. The method you use to communicate, be it written words, video, slide decks or infographics. The way you deliver your message.
Influence is about what you say. People trust people. People connect with people and ideas. People act based on the idea.
What you say, how you say it, who you are — all of it matters.
But it didn’t always.
What was once taken care of is now up to you.​
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When you’re writing a grant proposal, speaking to advance your academic field, or promoting your organization’s cause, your focus is on what you’re saying. Influencing others is your main priority.
Meanwhile, the bottom two layers of the pyramid - who you are and how you communicate - aren’t taken into consideration because they’re taken care of. Your credentials carry your message.
The academic world gives you a pass on who you are as a human being. You’re already trusted because you have the degree. You did the research. And you believe in your institution’s approach to knowledge.
Foundations and philanthropists focus on your ideas and how you plan to conduct research or roll out programs. Where you work, where you’ve published – all of this speaks for itself without the need to take into account who you are as a person.
And when someone evaluates your grant proposal or decides to publish your article in an academic journal, they’re not debating whether to trust you as a human being. They’re beyond that. It’s not considered.
But that is not normal for people outside your work. In the court of public opinion, trust and who you are is tremendously important.
Now, if those are taken care of, what about connection and how you communicate?
Well, in most moments of most of your days, connection is removed. How you say something isn’t a factor. It’s off the table. You can’t win the grant or get published by using a more delightful tone of voice. Or open with a childhood memory as a metaphor. Those things aren’t helpful because they want you to say it like everyone else. In fact, it’s frowned upon for you to say it in your own unique way.
Again, all you need to focus on is the top of the pyramid: what you say. Is it good enough to influence action? If so, they’ll print your ideas or say yes to the grant.
But out in the real world, connection is vital. You’ve got to bring it back. How?
Think connection before content.
Start with a story that resonates. Then, dive into intellectual persuasion.
People don’t want to download a wall of smarts. In fact, show up with all your ideas at once and they’ll be overwhelmed.
What’s more, your ideas are only as good as people understand them. You need to use clear and accessible language. People don’t engage with ideas; they engage with humans they trust.
Which is why I refer to connection and trust as your humanity.
Your audience needs to connect with you as a human before they absorb your insights. Connection matters more than credentials.
Connection and trust are not only part of the picture, they’re foundational components. They’re the drivers. Because influence comes from how you make people feel, not just what you know.
You’ve been in a world that has stripped out your humanity, or at minimum made it not important.
Which is why to influence others to the point of action, speaking human-first is your best communications strategy. It’s not at the expense of what you say, but so that what you say can matter. So what you say can actually influence. So you can stop being vaguely known and become the go-to expert.
It's time to speak human-first.